A while back, I posted a Michelin commercial. I thought it was ok, but when I saw it in context – that is, not online, but as an actual commercial during….something, I can’t even remember the show – it just seemed jarring and confusing.
Apparently, I was watching something that had a lot of need for tire ads, because a really cool tire commercial came on that showed lots of sticky things like velcro and burrs and it was from….Bridgestone? Damn. Much better than the Mr. Potato Head commercial that everything thinks is so awesome. Unfortunately, I can’t find the sticky commercial anywhere, but watch for it.
Meanwhile, saw this via MediaPost. Wow. Phone it in much? I can’t believe how half-assed this one is, or how they sold it. Someone PLEASE make my job this easy.
This is what really happens when companies do companies conduct focus groups on What Women Think, according to this article by Mary Lou Quinlan on forbes.com:
“My company just surveyed 150 marketers about their listening prowess during focus group research. Guess what? Rather than paying attention to the women and their body language, most are chowing down behind that one-way mirror. Eighty-four percent say they eat catered meals; 79% like to munch M&Ms. And 36% actually uncork a bottle of wine.”
Nice.
On the one hand, I have to applaud Quinlan for calling out the crappy behavior, and her book sounds interesting; I particularly am intrigued by what she has to say on specific body language. On the other hand, I’m increasingly grossed out that a) the concept of listening has to be drilled in this aggressively, and b) that the only reason to listen is to sell more shit. Advertising: No possible avenue of exploitation left unexplored. This is my world.
OK, I don’t drink any more. Why? Because I achieve new heights of assholery through drinking. Yes, those who find the broad insufferable sober should run screaming at the slightest intake of alcohol. Tequila, particularly, makes anyone do bizarre things like smash fruit on their head and go to piercing parlors. Or so I’ve heard.
This site, however, is really cool.
Could the approach work for something non-alcohol oriented? Most approaches can. I love the cool rotating pictures in the little talk bubble thingies (Karl Tiedemann, you are so ahead of your time).
Patron invested in a lot of cool content, which works for an entertainment site. (The broad is in the camp of classifying booze as entertainment, and if you don’t believe me, you stay sober while everyone around you drinks. Grand fun!) So while I can’t imagine wanting to nose around a bunch of intriguing links on a paper towel site….maybe I would if the links were as inviting as these.
Anyway, check it out, and remember to surf responsibly. Sorry, that was fish in a barrel.
What are the lessons of ad: tech NY? Well, other than the basic conference lesson, which is that no one knows anything because if they’d did, they’d be selling it, here are few things:
1. The US approaches things differently, which in this case is a euphemism for solipsistically. This will eventually be our undoing. Just call me “Nostrabrandus.”
2. Learn Chinese. And if you don’t, make sure your kids do.
3. Jimmy Wales proves you can be a bazillionaire but still be pretty cool about it.
4. Sir, on the other hand, favors the Rupert Murdoch model.
5. Do whatever is in your power to avoid eating at the Javits Center.
6. Whatever you do, stop overthinking. There are no new insights or campaigns. This is OK. There are only 13 or 27 plots, depending on you who talk to, and yet people still write new books all the time, some of which are even great.
I’d love to do a round number like 10, but….that’s all I got. Not long enough for an impulse buy book, but I betcha someone could take less and turn it into an incredibly self-aggrandizing conference presentation. Trust me, it’s been done.
Key takeaway: Jimmy Wales manages to make me feel optimistic after a very cranky finish last night.
Jimmy identifies himself as an Objectivist. I bet he’s all over that new Ayn Rand bio. That thing is everywhere. If you ever need to watch a really bad movie, get The Fountainhead. As bad as it is, I think it still may be better than the book. Man, don’t drop that thing on your foot.
Jimmy just quoted Charles van Doren. Despite its glacial pace, I love Quiz Show. Ralph Fiennes is dreamy. CvD said encyclopedias should be radical, and Jimmy’s baby, Wikipedia, is. It democratizes information. I’m all for that, even though I was cheering for elitist standard-bearer Charles van Doren to win over the populist representative that John Turturro plays, due to the dreamy factor.
Jimmy’s picture looks like Clinton of Clinton and Stacy, but he doesn’t really look like that in person, so I guess I should refrain from asking him to critique my ensemble. He thinks people are getting smarter. Wikipedia helps them get smarter, even though the info is not all, how you say, written by experts. He wants Wikipedia to be more accessible and usable to people all over the world, so I’m starting to like him despite the Ayn Rand thing. Wow, w.pedia (he pronounces it “wi-key-pedia) is the 14th most popular site in Iran. There’s a geek culture that transcends nationality. Geeks the world over! I would so love to see an international geek consortium, with people in fabulous national costume all wearing big Elvis Costello glasses.
Gourmet went out of business because they weren’t feeding the needs of advertisers and consumers. Well, I’m glad it’s not because the print industry is dying a slow and miserable death.
Geeks everywhere are evangelists now. What kind of evangelists? Brand evangelists! Branding companies need to use wikis. Jimmy just admitted that was his sales pitch. Well, he’s transparent. So was Sir. He didn’t hide the fact that he wants to own South America now. Oh, here’s the requisite picture of a cute kid holding a plant introducing the wikia green initiative, which Jimmy has high hopes for. IT’S…..LADY GAGA!!!! Jimmy, you have stolen my heart. Gagapedia!! I bet it has pictures of those muppet dresses.
OH MY GOD, we are now looking at the Muppet wiki!! Jimmy has taken over my stream of consciousness. But I can go gently into that good night, because I’m pretty tired. Take my stream of consciousness, please.
Wikia via Jimmy says, “Be Bold.” Dude, I would so not even be here if I weren’t 100% on board with that.
“Assume Good Faith.” As opposed to bloggers, who are cranky and argumentative, wiki culture is collaborative and nicer. If someone busts your wiki, they probably are trying to help. So they’re probably not a blogger.
“Quality Matters.” Wiki communities have the power to control, and to ban trouble makers. Trouble makers can have their own wikis on making trouble. Bloggers, there’s a place for you.
Wikipedia will always be free. And on that happy note, I’m out.
Key takeaway: The acronym for Nothing New Under the Sun is NNUtS. That’s a bit awesome.
The Broad is weary.
Mazda wants to start a revolution of joy. Another one of these “hide the car keys.” You know, we had this idea for Audi back in 2001. Was there money? No, there was not.
This guy’s talking about a dystopia “somewhere in the future, say 3, 400 years,” where the government controls everything. Um…dude, the fact that you think this is that far away and not happening right now shows how well the government’s succeeding. “The Mazda is the secret to unlocking joy in the future.” I mean….no comment.
I imagine my elite group of readers are as ready to read a short post as I am to write one. You have your wish. This is BB, signing off until tomorrow, heading out to Brooklyn to get a breath of fresh air.
Key takeaway: Think fresh. But please don’t be a jerk with your metaphors. I mean, I get that ad people are insanely cynical, but the low achieved here was low indeed.
“In our choice overloaded world, the future belongs to brands with a distinctive point of view and contagious brand ideas that ignite conversations about the brand and accelerate brand growth.” You know, this is exactly the sort of thing I get stuck writing when we have to do a case study or something, and I really try not to be that verbose but….well, sometimes I’m sure I am.
Well, the first thing onscreen is this weird graphic of a white sponge with dots on it that are supposed to look like…contagion. Ew.
Oh, here’s one of those dancing events in a train station. It’s in Liverpool, and yet does not feature the Beatles. Missed opportunity? Only you can decide. I still prefer the Sound of Music one.
“We believe the best way to change the brand conversation is to have more positive comments than negative.” Spoken in a British accent. Need I say more?
There’s one of those axis things. We need to be in the top right hand corner! You know what I like? The nice/mean/smart/dumb axis. You can use it for absolutely anyone. It’s the power point version of a slam book.
Here’s the inspirational film that turned Vicks around and was shown to all the people who had to come up with creative. There are kids laughing, there are people walking on the beach with fake film grain thrown in. it’s all about breathing life in. It has this pseudo Philip Glass soundtrack. You’ve seen this approximately 8 billion times. That said, the new Vicks stuff looks good. Breathe Life In is a lot more fun than the coughing-sneezing-aching woman in the bathrobe who’s gotta have some Nyquil. “Call in Well.” That’s a nice line.
You know, there’s kind of a trend in advertising of people in the snow about to Get It On. Snow: the new hot tub.
A contagious idea is not a stunt, but something viral. Not a one off, but a commitment. OK, now there’s some content here. Uh oh, another 2 graphics inspired by real viruses. This is not so good. He just asked, why did AIDS take 50 times longer to become a pandemic than swine flu? And the answer is, the means of transmission is quite different. Ugh. In what universe is it OK to use AIDS metaphors to make a point about marketing? You had me, you have so lost me.
Oh boy, now David Spade onscreen has me checking out of this even more.
“Charmin Contagious Idea.” Can the hole get deeper? Yes, it can, with Pottypalooza. I’m just reporting. Those bears. And yet, it wasn’t a stunt or a one off. They’ve been back with Charmin bathrooms in Times Squares 3 years running. Yep, in it for the long haul is Charmin. Sit or Squat. I’d give them props for totally speaking to what consumers off, but I’m still not over the stupid AIDS comment.
TV was the engine that kicked off a TGIF contest. Without TV, Woody gets 85K fans. He only hits the half million mark after 4 days of a giant TV spend. Just in case you thought you could get those TV dollars for your online campaign….you probably can’t. And there’s still trying to figure out what do with their nearly 1 million friends? How do you keep them? And honestly, you probably don’t want them, because your wall gets crazy.
OK, we’re wrapping up, and I’m too worn out to say anything else. See you in a few.
I love the ads on the subway. The spouse and I still talk about the AIDS prevention serial comic that ran in the 80s, where Mirasol struggled with the fact that Jorge might have infected her. I so wish I could remember it more precisely in order to google it, but alas, cannot.
In second place, we have the Unintentionally Funniest Ad Campaign ever, Captain Morgan’s Comin’ Alive When It’s After Five from the 90s. Can’t find that one either.
Today, I saw an ad from this, the Freelancers Union. These folks have great looking ads (they should, given the insane amount of non-salaried writing and design talent out there). However, the ad I saw said something like, “The times have changed over the last 30 years. Alas.”
Yes, 30 years ago, I regularly employed terms like “alas,” “forsooth,” and the occasional “farthingale.” The problem is, I still use them today (exhibit A: paragraph 1). Look, blogs are narcissistic exercises where you’re supposed to be yourself. Ads aren’t. I cannot endorse any of the above words for subway ad usage. Fie.
The good news is, the rest of their stuff is pretty cool, and the organization itself is a great idea, though I can’t speak to its execution. Check them out.
Key takeaway: The well has a bottom, folks, and I believe I am seeing it.
Digital Video is the one bright spot in the current economy. There’s a bright spot, people! Really.
I think that moderator, Joey Trotz from Turner Broadcasting, was Sherman from Mr. Peabody as a kid. If he says “wayback machine” once in the next hour, my day will be made. There are too many video formats and we need standards, according to the IAB Digital Video Committee of which Joey is co-chair. Joey, when do you sleep? I shan’t pretend, I was really hoping to watch video and not – wait! The Count’s onscreen, taking time from his busy schedule adorning Lady Gaga’s skirt. Oh, he’s gone. Joey just admitted he loves “really geeky stuff.” Yeah, no lie there, dude. As I was saying, I was hoping for less of said really geeky stuff and more Exciting Video. Preferably featuring Lady Gaga.
Joey just said “xml spec.” Sigh.
Even sadder, he just said that video services don’t know when I’ve walked out of the room and gone to the bathroom and rather than thinking of the point he’s making, I’m just thinking that that sounds like A Good Idea. It’s the after lunch session. These are tough.
And we’re opening up for questions with nary a diversion other than the Count.
Mark Marvel of MSNBC says we need to get one pricing scheme that works. Rebecca Paoletti of Yahoo agrees, but hasn’t found a good way to bridge the efficacies to all the good things the web can do. You know, with all this admission that absolutely no one is making money…how are any of us here? This is starting to feel like Ed Wood dialogue: “All of us are interested in the future. For that is where we will spend the rest of our lives.” Ed, you were born too soon….
ACK!! At 2:55 p.m., Joey said, “I think I saw someone in the WAYBACK.” He meant the “way back” of the room, but I will take it as 50% wish fulfillment and that is AWESOME.
Key takeaway: These are scary times for newspapers. As if you didn’t know that.
Ok, this one definitely has the marquee panel, which in my lexicon means “panelists from things I’ve actually heard of.” There’s someone from NPR and the Times and CNN talking about “[how] leading news media companies …see the future, how they are innovating in the digital age and how they see the emerging value proposition for advertisers within this rapidly evolving ecosystem.” I’m REALLY interested in what these folks have to say, because the world is already so much like Blade Runner that it will really suck if you can’t figure out a way to sustain a content provider other than doing product placements within the articles, which I fear is possibly being considered as I write (“The Senate debated on health care for all Americans today, and enjoyed Orange Nehi while doing so. Nothing quenches like a Nehi.”) Writers need to make money in ways other than advertising, even if most of them are hacks.
Moderator Vivian Schiller of NPR says this session is NOT about dwindling newsrooms. Vivian, I admire your game face. Jeff Litvack of AP wants apps that give you multiple perspectives from multiple newspapers all at once. Kind of like The Week. I love The Week! It’s like Reader’s Digest for snobs. I subscribe to it and read it every Friday, because you can read a print magazine in the bathtub. Then I can pop off Interesting Facts and Join the Conversation.
Now Vivian brings up the elephantom: These apps are all free, right? Jeff says, yeah FOR NOW. Jeff thinks eventually apps can pay for themselves through advertising. I hope so, because by his own admission, every time they try to charge for an app, it tanks. Local market sales are key, he says. They’ll make a tremendous difference? Really? Because small business owners I know have a tough time scrounging up even a few hundred ad bucks. Kenneth (KC) Estenson of CNN doesn’t really see a subscription model. But they’ve had positive words from consumers about the ads in their apps. And anyway, CNN is huge enough at the moment they don’t sound terribly worried.
Vivian just said “local is the new black.” Heh. She also just said “hyperlocal.” It’s more local than local! Denise Warren from the New York Times says how do we get local content on the Times? She says you can’t have product innovation without process innovation, and that Apple brought design to the forefront of their process. The Times is now infusing technology into their storytelling process. She shows us a very low-end presentation that’s basically a screen capture of stuff you can do on the Times online. I’m a big fan of some of the rich media on the Times website, but we just looked at the words “The New York Times” on a black screen while some pseudo-techno music looped. Wow. Stuff like this is not going to get you to the next level, NYTimes preparers of presentations.
Man, everyone is utterly flummoxed by how to monetize online. “Getting really creative” and “using tools” are mentioned as solutions. Yikes.
Here’s Alisa Bowen of Thomson Reuters. She sounds Australian. She properly pronounced “niche”! Like everyone else, she’s in a “we’ll see” mode. Well, if answers were out there, someone would have sold them already.
“Relevance.” “Highly targeted niche content.” “Partnership” vs. “Healthy Competition.” “Stretch and Extend the core of what we’re all about…and the money will follow.” Wow again. You know, if those “do what you love and the money will follow” self-help books really worked, you know what we’d be? France, I think. Obama a socialist? HA. I wish…
CNN is doing great due to their multi-platformism, which sort of leaves the Times up a creek without a paddle wearing soggy clothes on a cold dark night, I think. Sigh. Thus ends yet another session of vague generalities and baseless hope. August Strindberg, you definitely have your place.
Branding Broad 