Playing to the Room

Folks, I now give you the spectacular vs. the crappy. The good news first:

This is a cute guy, but not a real hot guy. He’s dressed pretty tackily for his wedding, but it’s not played for laughs; his bride looks at him in a very sweet way. He’s a goofball, clearly does dumb things at the wrong times, but he loves his kids and his wife, and that’s always sexy. He’s dorky-good, as opposed to dorky wearing a tutu or a sumo outfit. He’s doesn’t have the Austin Powers “Women want him, men want to be him” quality, he’s just a good guy who occasionally does dumb things and will never do anything spectacular, and we’re all OK with that. He’s believable.

I love this ad because it keeps Dove’s “real” concept that they’ve frankly overdone for women, and expands it to guys in a non-condescending way. It also is probably the only ad I saw yesterday (that I remember, anyway) that didn’t paint women as annoying bitches who cramp men’s style or GASP make them do girlish things like shopping and going on dates, because what could possibly be worse than doing something nice for a woman? Nothing eats away at your manhood more than that!

And then we have this:

Yes, it’s a real trail of tears to be an employed man with a significant other in America right now. A loud car will take care of the terrible humiliation of having to sit through meetings and – heavens to Betsy – actually listen to people, including The Wife, once in a while. Menfolk, it’s really too bad that you can’t just run around doing whatever you want, but have to actually take some responsibility for a few things. What do people think you are, a chick or something?

One could contend that the Dove ad is actually playing to women, but I think the sperm shot at the beginning is a pretty ballsy move (don’t know if that pun is intended or not). In any event, statistics bear out that there are more house husbands/breadwinner wives, and I see a lot of men at the grocery store when I go instead of the spouse. (we split responsibility on that one; we’re so modern!) I think the Dove ad is great, smart, and memorable. Interested to see how the product does.

As for Dodge: Clearly, I’m not the market. Damn. Too bad statistics are also showing that women usually influence car purchase….

Superbowl 2010: 9:49 p.m. EST

Emerald Nuts and Pop Secret. Not feeling that one. There’s absurd, and then there’s Trying Really Hard to Be Weird. It’s like those Old Navy mannequins. Bring back Carrie Donovan. Remember that very first Old Navy campaign? She was the bizarre old lady with the thick glasses. I read that people almost universally disliked the ad, but they remembered it because it made no sense, so Old Navy said, Cool, we’ll stick with it. And now I’m looking back on it fondly. This is like when liberals used to wish for the good old days of Richard Nixon because Bush was president.

Man, CBS really has some bad shows. I sort of have spilled the beans that I don’t know one network from the next. I like that show Modern Family. I think that’s NBC. Otherwise, I am feeling that the “can’t miss” TV is sort of limited to Mad Men (well, SOMEtimes) and Breaking Bad. I am also proud to say that I loved The Fashion Show and do not understand why everyone doesn’t love Isaac Mizrahi, because anyone who calls a transvestite contestant named Merlin “Merly Sue” should be the President of the United States of Fabulous, which is a country for which I would PROUDLY stand when they sing the National Anthem, which would definitely be sung by RuPaul.

Can you tell I am tired? Yes, non-stop writing for 3 hours tends to make the broad a bit loopy. 7:38 for New Orleans to kill Peyton Manning. Hey, touchdown!! Yay.

Oh, it’s the video game ad for Dante’s Inferno. OK, it’s not that interesting EXCEPT it had the awesome tagline of “Go to Hell” and CBS made them change it to “Hell Awaits,” which is just stupid. Like, seriously, you’re protecting me from that, but I still have to watch that stupid Go Daddy commercial? What the hell is wrong with this country?

Here are cows and a horse. It’s not ….oh wait, yes it is. Clydesdale. I think the cow thinks the horse is its mother. Now the cow, oh wait it’s a bull. Or maybe a yak. OK, I guess that’s a longhorn. Bud, I know you want to respect the Clydesdale because back in the 70s people had like a magical Clydesdale moment where they sang about “the King is Coming” and talk about making your brand a religion. But look. Take the Clydesdale to a nice place where it can hang with those etrade babies. Please. Let the horse keep his dignity.

OK, the chickens are back. They’re screaming. They’re not even trying with the CGI. Again, you’re sort of messing with my head, Denny’s, and not in a good way.

I think they kind of ran out of the good ads. The Colts look concerned. I think their fans are probably a bit cross about the Saints getting that extra two points. A Saint just did a total face plant. Yowch. The Colts are “motoring.” You know how they say, “Motoring.” in that song Sister Christian? Well, I always thought they were saying, “Motorhead! What’s the price of rice?”

I’m sure that if it wasn’t apparent that I’m in way over my head on the football thing up until now, that last comment probably sealed the deal.

The Green Police have their own song. I think Styx is singing it. This would be a better ad if it were funny. Oh, it’s Audi. Duh. They have no sense of humor. My countrymen! Actually, Germans can be pretty funny, but we only laugh on the inside. We’re like clowns in reverse….

Charles Barkley is pretty, pretty fat. He clearly is not selecting from the Fresco menu….

GO SAINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was awesome. I felt like I was at a basketball game.

Boy, these Doritos ads are squickin’ me out. Coffins, now a Dorito as a ninja star. Ew.

Oh, man, if the Colts fans were cross before, they’re gonna be downright ornery now.

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve seen quite so many gender stereotypes in a while. Bud Light, thank you for affirming that men are stupid clods and women are all girly and say things like “ew” and “squicked out by Doritos.” Oh, and here’s Go Daddy, to make sure we realize that boobs are the most important part of a girl.

Another screaming chicken. You know, it kind of is starting to grow on me.

Oh, here’s that skeevy guy from the Devil Wears Prada on his own show, The Mentalist. That guy is seriously icky. I liked it when he got killed in LA Confidential.

THEY DID IT!!!!

I can honestly say I have never, ever cared who won the Super Bowl. But this year…this is AWESOME.

VIVE LES SAINTS!!!!!

And we are officially done. Catch ya on Side B. The B is for Broad.

Superbowl 2010: 9:00 pm EST

Geez, step out to help your kid with algebra and come back and all the players are bellowing at each other. Saints are jumping!! It’s a fearless start to the second half. Someone has had the courage to do something. Football is a valiant sport, y’all.

I just screamed. Some guy didn’t run fast, but he ran hard. Go Saints!

OK, here’s a movie with a snake and some chick who sounds like madonna, in other words a pretty bad British accent. It’s Jake Gyllenhall trying to be Brad Pitt. He has long hair and he’s the Prince of Persia. See, I’m not really buying that. I think Jake is cute, but I think the Prince of Persia should be pretty hot.

Some woman has a phone in the bathtub. Whenever I call people when I’m in the tub, they get kind of mad at me when they hear splashing because they know I’ll probably drop the phone because I’m absent minded and then die a sparkly death. But I liked that Motorola commercial. It was about people getting in fights and having accidents, and accidents are amusing when they happen on commercials.

When you see a VW, you’re supposed to punch people. VW, that is just dumb and sadistic. However, if you really wanted to be in synch with the other advertisers, you would have made sure it was all straight married people hitting each other. VW, you ride out in front. Punches for all!

Chicken ad. Battle hymn of the republic. Denny’s. Some guy is exhorting chickens but…they’re going to get eaten. These ads confuse me. They’re like Charlie Tuna. He’s mad because he’s not getting caught in a giant net and suffocating to death. You know last year, Denny’s did a Goodfellas tribute. They might really like that Lucco Brazzi idea. I think it would be less confusing than this chicken ad.

Here’s Lance Armstrong. He reminds of some cartoon, and I can’t figure out what. It’s one of those cartoons that disturbs me, like Nancy. I always just hated that she and Nancy Reagan were the only famous people with my name.

Hey, it’s Chevy Chase. He calls our house sometimes. He also sends us Christmas cards. One time I picked up the phone and he said, “Is Dennis there?” and I said, “Yes, who’s calling, please?” because this was before call waiting, and he said, “This is Chevy Chase.” And, you know, Chevy’s really nice to Dennis but it’s not like I’m a huge fan, but I was TOTALLY star struck and carried the phone over to the spouse in a very reverent and quiet way.

Here’s a cool Road Warrior commercial except everybody looks like they’re from the Addams Family. Oh, it’s Bridgestone. Beh. it’s not that cool after a few seconds. You know, nothing’s as good as the real Road Warrior. Wez! That dude rocks. He’s the one with the Mohawk and the chaps who yells, “YOU! You can RUN! But you canNOT HIDE!” He says “canNOT” in this weird way. I love that guy.

A sumo. More men dressing stupidly. I didn’t understand that. I think it was for a company called kgb. I have this genuine Soviet army coat that is warm as hell but it has a big giant hammer and sickle on it. Once I walked into a Ukranian realtor’s office in NY and he said, “KGB?” He was kidding, sort of. But also a bit apprehensive, I think. I mean, I do have Russian ancestors. They escaped from Bolsheviks on a hay cart. They would probably be appalled. Sorry, Volga Bauers!

Ravel’s Bolero. Some guy just walked into an elephant. Oh, I like this one. A hippo ate his boat. It’s a Coke commercial. OK, Coke, you just made up for the craptastic Simpsons commercial. That was awesome.

More of those babies who talk with adult voices for etrade. The other day my boss said to me that he thought something was played, and I wish he had said that about these babies, because dude, in that case, I AGREE.

Here’s Bob Balaban. I love him. I think Christopher Guest directed these census commercials. I think it’s cool that really boring things are doing cool ads. Oh, hey, Goggle’s ad is all about reading. It’s kind of cool. Words! They’re the new images!

What the hell is this. Kia. Sock monkeys and …. some weird red…thing. Yep that’s pretty cool. Sort of a dumb link up to the tagline, but it didn’t look like anything else today.

OK, it’s the flip side of the boring company doing something interesting. I mean, Bud IS boring, but they’re supposed to stand for fun. Bud, you’re keeping the bar on the floor. Low achievers of the world are all beholden to you.

Here’s a slow mo commercial and if I knew anything about football I’d know who these guys were. You know, slow mo sports are win win, and if you don’t believe me, watch Invictus. Scrum! Oh, that was the NFL thanking us. NFL, you are welcome.

Oh this is cool, some weird blocky things on legal paper. Walsh college gives you a master faster. Cheap ad, looked good. Go, Walsh. Maybe those things are their mascots.

Here’s an uplifting ad from UMich medicine. I wonder what people are watching elsewhere in that spot. Anyway, that’s what we’re watching here.

Superbowl 2010: 8:00 p.m. EST

Doritos in a coffin. They bring some guy back to life. Doritos: worthy of their own religion. I’m sorry, Doritos is really annoying the hell out of me today. Screw you, Doritos.

Bud Light, you suck SO much. I’m glad they ditched the Clydesdales, but I do not think T. Pain is probably a quantum leap forward.

Here’s the fiddling beaver. I feel dirty having written that. Now there’s a shark in a car. Oh, Bridgestone, you had me a couple of months ago, now I am lost again. Here’s a preternatural kid. He grows up to be someone who looks like Ben Affleck and goes to cars.com. Kind of a tortuous narrative there.

Bud, are you better than Bud Lite? I seriously doubt it. They’re playing this High Chapparel music. People are climbing each other to make a human bridge. That was kinda dumb, but not offensively so. I think if I drank a lot of beer, I would probably think it was worthwhile to be part of a bridge where a truck runs over me. OK, the end where the guy says they have to do it again is funny. Bud, I shall hate you slightly less henceforward.

That Scorsese movie looks scary. I hope it’s better than Bringing out the Dead.

That was weird. some cute guy who the spouse tells me is on the Jets told women – hey, that’s me! – that we could hear his actual heartbeat and somehow that wound around to women’s heart disease and CBS cares especially if we watch football. I’m so confused. If I don’t watch football except for the ads and the exceptionally rare times when they run really fast for a long period of time, does CBS not care?

David Letterman and Oprah and JAY LENO? WTF. WHERE’S UMA????

Here are people in their underwear. Careerbuilder, I love you. More people in underpants. This reminds me of my late friend Michael, who told me about Oh, wow, that was weird, no pants from Dockers follows no pants from Careerbuilder. Nice timing, ad schedulers!

Bud Light, you still suck.

Sperms rushing to eggs. Oh this commercial is awesome. There are pickles. There’s another one of those cute Jon Krasewski guys. Dove for men. That totally rocked.

Here’s a guy claiming he gets to drive a Dodge because he’s otherwise completely pussywhipped. Yet another American company affirming that marriage is an unmitigated hell. Gay people in most states, including New York and California, do you *really* want to fight for this?

Oh, man, the mean flowers again? Didn’t they learn from last year? Teleflora, you’re the Ziggy of advertising.

Papa Johns. Snore. That was like an American Idol preview. Lots of people yelling they’re going to win.

Tim Burton has made Wonderland look like a methhead’s … I was gonna say nightmare, but I believe the word I’m searching for is “reality.”

Kiss. Yawn. That was Kiss the group, not the spouse being romantic. Oh this is kind of…ew…there’s a tiny groundhog person. I just did a Homer Simpson shudder. I don’t know WHAT the hell that was about.

Wow. Another portrait of a relationship. Some old guy is telling this young guy he’s a girl (like that’s an insult; shut up, old guy) because he’s being nice to his wife. America LOVES and HONORS heterosexual marriage. I swear it does.

Here’s a depressed robot. Yet another bid for “least memorable ad.” Good for you, Intel.

My generation. Didn’t they run this last year? Haiti footage. No tragedy left unexploited. That was the same handheld TV that was in the old guy berating the young guy commercial. Screw you, handheld TV.

Hungry Howie’s. You know, I have a soft spot for a guy in a tutu. Though I am a bit annoyed with everyone doing a variation on the theme of guys being big stupid jerks who will do absolutely anything for a laugh. Yeah, I remember my first beer, too. Let’s bond. Snore.

Oh, this metro PCS commercial is awesome. It’s a parody of a really weird foreign game where people are reviled by the hosts and made to do strange things that isn’t Japanese and looked like it was Middle Eastern or maybe Indian except for the guy in lederhosen at the end. Hey, has anybody ever seen that Spanish TV show where if you get the wrong answer they make you stand in this giant pot and a devil yells at you? That show is awesome. Also, they make wrong answerers eat really weird food, and you the viewer have to guess what it is because there are no subtitles, but you can tell it’s pretty bad because the people who have to eat look really sad and humiliated.

it’s half time. Thank YOU, LORD.

Superbowl 2010 Post 1: 7:04 p.m. EST

Well, it’s 5:57 as I start. So far, I saw a Ritz commercial that seemed on the festive side and a promo for the hottest women of survivor, who, I think, are possibly not members of Mensa.

Eat Jets pizza. I’m just sayin’.

While I’m waiting, the check out guy at Kroger was HOT. I believe I am way too old to be a cougar. Perhaps I am a mythical beast, like a gryphon. That feels so much more majestic, I think.

OK, ad casting trend: guys who look like Jon Krasewski on The Office. I bet I spelled his name wrong, but I refuse to google. Or bing.

OK, it’s 6 on the dot and some guy who looks like Jay Z is rapping. There are violins. It’s kind of like the original Fame ending. Did anybody see the new Fame? Yeah, me neither. Now some chick with an incredibly nasal voice is singing. She is either Ciara, Kelis, Rihanna, or Cristina Aguilera with a bad cold. 3rd time’s the charm, it was Rihanna.

Hey, I want the Saints to win. Full disclosure right up front.

OK, no ads. Phew. I can go do an algebra problem with the kid.

Luke Wilson? Oh, man. He used to be the cute Wilson. Now there is no such thing.

Oh, here’s that Ritz commercial. It’s like drumline. There are orange outfits and a bunch of guys playing brass and a really cute guy in a suit running around with a football.

Hey, it’s Frieda Pinto. You know I remember this from last year, they really don’t pull out the big commercial guns for a while. Everybody’s making sure they have plenty of food and beer.

NFL 60. It’s sort of like Koyaanisquatsi. Previews. Yeah, it’s time to get a chip.

Pizza Hut theme: Married couples universally live lives of quiet desperation. Gay marriage truly IS destroying the fabric of society. Pizza Hut told me!

Oh Lord, here comes the first encomium to a car company. Cars! We’re awesome! Please love us, America! Car commercials remind me of Jim Carrey. Needy.

Carrie Underwood????? Dude, 2 words: NEW ORLEANS. Birthplace of the greatest freakin’ art form in American. I mean, yeah, maybe that would show extreme favoritism, but COME ON. Did you all know that the tune to the Star Spangled Banner was a drinking song? That’s why it gets all high. You need alcohol fueling to sing “the rockets red glare” with confidence.

Ninjas on ice. That looked sort of cool until I saw that M. Night Shayamalan is directing it. Recipe for crappy!

Yay, rogaine. Although honestly, I miss the hair club for men.

Golf club commercial. These guys are so happy about Tiger Woods. Here are two incredibly hot basketball players. One is Lebron. I’m so buying anything he sells. Ew. Larry Bird. That was Macdonald’s. At least he was in a suit. Because that guy never looked good. Also, total Hoosier. Talk about extreme favoritism. Macdonald’s, you are dead to me, even with your tasty vanilla latte.

All these dumb NBC shows. Blech. You know what? I’m going to do the NY Times Crossword puzzle while the game’s on. You know what game I like? Rugby. I saw Invictus with my kid and we were all, “Scrum!” Because that thing is awesome. Football seems kind of dumb for about the first half, doesn’t it? Honestly, it seems dumb to me all the time. I like when they run really fast. Otherwise, I don’t get it. Also, is it weird if you’re Peyton Manning and you know that everyone is basically going to be like the bad guy in the Karate Kid who swipes the knee?

Ha ha. I’m editing this, because I just found out I’m on CBS. Awesome.

I missed the anti-abortion ad! Dammit. Because I would have had some comments, I’m sure.

Now things are emerging from the water to classical music. Now this is stupid. It’s says “there’s a Mozart sonata, there’s a Schubert sonata, and there’s the Kia sonata.” But they’re playing a Mozart sonata the whole time. So why are they even bringing up Schubert? Because I can guarantee you, 98.3% of the people watching this thing don’t even know who the hell Schubert is. So this commercial doesn’t even educate you. Ha! That’s what they get for playing this commercial for a classically trained pianist. You know what drives me crazy? When people put the emphasis on the first syllable, and it sounds like they’re saying “penis” in kind of an affected way. It’s a pi-A-no. Not a PEE-a-no.

OK, here’s a shuffling crew. Oh, dear, white guys rapping horribly and making thong jokes. Classy! That’s what the super bowl means to Boost Mobile!

Here’s a guy being a jerk to his dog. The dog just went all Lucco Brazzi on him. Well, the dog owner was Lucco Brazzi and the dog was that guy who kills him. If the dog left a note that said, “Owner sleeps with the fishes” and a big paw print, about 35 people in America would get it. I would be one of them! So would Quentin Tarantino, I bet. This is the kind of thing I pitch and then I laugh my ass off and then….there is a silence. No one understands me!! Damn you, Mario Puzo!

It’s the Simpsons. You know, I love the Simpsons, even though they jumped the shark a decade or so ago. It’s a Coke commercial. Oh, man, I didn’t get over how crappy the Coke commercials were last year. In my mind, they just can’t beat the old “It’s the real thing.” Although that jingle was dumb. I think the only soda commercial I’ve liked in the last ten years was that one where the guy took the shorts out of the freezer.

Some broad who looks like Heather Graham is giving Danica Patrick a massage. Go Daddy does not fear the lowest common denominator, in this case, “Hot Girls Who Can’t Act.” Go Daddy may be using the same agency as Boost Mobile, I think.

Hey, it’s an hour in. Time to post. 1 down, hopefully not many to go.

Something Fresh, something incredibly half-assed

A while back, I posted a Michelin commercial. I thought it was ok, but when I saw it in context – that is, not online, but as an actual commercial during….something, I can’t even remember the show – it just seemed jarring and confusing.

Apparently, I was watching something that had a lot of need for tire ads, because a really cool tire commercial came on that showed lots of sticky things like velcro and burrs and it was from….Bridgestone? Damn. Much better than the Mr. Potato Head commercial that everything thinks is so awesome. Unfortunately, I can’t find the sticky commercial anywhere, but watch for it.

Meanwhile, saw this via MediaPost. Wow. Phone it in much? I can’t believe how half-assed this one is, or how they sold it. Someone PLEASE make my job this easy.

When Bad Things Are Done by Ad People, or Stasis

This is what really happens when companies do companies conduct focus groups on What Women Think, according to this article by Mary Lou Quinlan on forbes.com:

“My company just surveyed 150 marketers about their listening prowess during focus group research. Guess what? Rather than paying attention to the women and their body language, most are chowing down behind that one-way mirror. Eighty-four percent say they eat catered meals; 79% like to munch M&Ms. And 36% actually uncork a bottle of wine.”

Nice.

On the one hand, I have to applaud Quinlan for calling out the crappy behavior, and her book sounds interesting; I particularly am intrigued by what she has to say on specific body language. On the other hand, I’m increasingly grossed out that a) the concept of listening has to be drilled in this aggressively, and b) that the only reason to listen is to sell more shit. Advertising: No possible avenue of exploitation left unexplored. This is my world.

Tequila!!

OK, I don’t drink any more. Why? Because I achieve new heights of assholery through drinking. Yes, those who find the broad insufferable sober should run screaming at the slightest intake of alcohol. Tequila, particularly, makes anyone do bizarre things like smash fruit on their head and go to piercing parlors. Or so I’ve heard.

This site, however, is really cool.
Could the approach work for something non-alcohol oriented? Most approaches can. I love the cool rotating pictures in the little talk bubble thingies (Karl Tiedemann, you are so ahead of your time).

Patron invested in a lot of cool content, which works for an entertainment site. (The broad is in the camp of classifying booze as entertainment, and if you don’t believe me, you stay sober while everyone around you drinks. Grand fun!) So while I can’t imagine wanting to nose around a bunch of intriguing links on a paper towel site….maybe I would if the links were as inviting as these.

Anyway, check it out, and remember to surf responsibly. Sorry, that was fish in a barrel.

ad:tech NY Wrap up

What are the lessons of ad: tech NY? Well, other than the basic conference lesson, which is that no one knows anything because if they’d did, they’d be selling it, here are few things:
1. The US approaches things differently, which in this case is a euphemism for solipsistically. This will eventually be our undoing. Just call me “Nostrabrandus.”
2. Learn Chinese. And if you don’t, make sure your kids do.
3. Jimmy Wales proves you can be a bazillionaire but still be pretty cool about it.
4. Sir, on the other hand, favors the Rupert Murdoch model.
5. Do whatever is in your power to avoid eating at the Javits Center.
6. Whatever you do, stop overthinking. There are no new insights or campaigns. This is OK. There are only 13 or 27 plots, depending on you who talk to, and yet people still write new books all the time, some of which are even great.

I’d love to do a round number like 10, but….that’s all I got. Not long enough for an impulse buy book, but I betcha someone could take less and turn it into an incredibly self-aggrandizing conference presentation. Trust me, it’s been done.

See ya later this week.

ad:tech NY Day 3: Jimmy Wales, the Wikipedia guy 10:21 AM EST

Key takeaway: Jimmy Wales manages to make me feel optimistic after a very cranky finish last night.

Jimmy identifies himself as an Objectivist. I bet he’s all over that new Ayn Rand bio. That thing is everywhere. If you ever need to watch a really bad movie, get The Fountainhead. As bad as it is, I think it still may be better than the book. Man, don’t drop that thing on your foot.

Jimmy just quoted Charles van Doren. Despite its glacial pace, I love Quiz Show. Ralph Fiennes is dreamy. CvD said encyclopedias should be radical, and Jimmy’s baby, Wikipedia, is. It democratizes information. I’m all for that, even though I was cheering for elitist standard-bearer Charles van Doren to win over the populist representative that John Turturro plays, due to the dreamy factor.

Jimmy’s picture looks like Clinton of Clinton and Stacy, but he doesn’t really look like that in person, so I guess I should refrain from asking him to critique my ensemble. He thinks people are getting smarter. Wikipedia helps them get smarter, even though the info is not all, how you say, written by experts. He wants Wikipedia to be more accessible and usable to people all over the world, so I’m starting to like him despite the Ayn Rand thing. Wow, w.pedia (he pronounces it “wi-key-pedia) is the 14th most popular site in Iran. There’s a geek culture that transcends nationality. Geeks the world over! I would so love to see an international geek consortium, with people in fabulous national costume all wearing big Elvis Costello glasses.

Gourmet went out of business because they weren’t feeding the needs of advertisers and consumers. Well, I’m glad it’s not because the print industry is dying a slow and miserable death.

Geeks everywhere are evangelists now. What kind of evangelists? Brand evangelists! Branding companies need to use wikis. Jimmy just admitted that was his sales pitch. Well, he’s transparent. So was Sir. He didn’t hide the fact that he wants to own South America now. Oh, here’s the requisite picture of a cute kid holding a plant introducing the wikia green initiative, which Jimmy has high hopes for. IT’S…..LADY GAGA!!!! Jimmy, you have stolen my heart. Gagapedia!! I bet it has pictures of those muppet dresses.

OH MY GOD, we are now looking at the Muppet wiki!! Jimmy has taken over my stream of consciousness. But I can go gently into that good night, because I’m pretty tired. Take my stream of consciousness, please.

Wikia via Jimmy says, “Be Bold.” Dude, I would so not even be here if I weren’t 100% on board with that.

“Assume Good Faith.” As opposed to bloggers, who are cranky and argumentative, wiki culture is collaborative and nicer. If someone busts your wiki, they probably are trying to help. So they’re probably not a blogger.

“Quality Matters.” Wiki communities have the power to control, and to ban trouble makers. Trouble makers can have their own wikis on making trouble. Bloggers, there’s a place for you.

Wikipedia will always be free. And on that happy note, I’m out.